W. C. Fields (1)

"Last week, I went to Philadelphia,
but it was closed."
- W. C. Fields

"I cook with wine, sometimes
I even add it to the food."
- W. C. Fields

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't
even have the decency to thank her."
- W. C. Fields

"I never drink water because of the
disgusting things that fish do in it."
- W. C. Fields

"I've never struck a woman in my
life, not even my own mother."
- W. C. Fields